For the last three weeks we've been enjoying the lovely indoor practice facilities at Total Cricket in Ashton. If anyone ever bats on a surface like this, make sure you send a postcard back. From the moon.

Despite the late starts (9pm), turnout has ranged from good to severely depleted, with several key players missing through injury (Doc), work (Doc), or just not being really arsed about cricket (Doc) in February (Doc). Flipping (edited - Ed) February. Or, allegedly struggling for childcare (Doc) and not wanting to admit they prefer being cuddled up with a hot milk and a teddy bear citing "it's too late" (Doc).

Bret has been smashing everyone around, Ryan Marsh has been brainwashed into thinking he's the white Devon Malcolm, Matt Bradshaw thinks the best way to get selected is by repeatedly beaming the first and second team captains, KC has perfected the art of waving his bat at the ball after leaping back to the square leg umpire, Clive still can't catch despite wearing large gloves, Rick Carr requires two lanes at once to fit his huge arse in when batting, Watty is looking a defensive bore of a cricketer and Stephen can't decide whether he plays for Totty or Woodbank 3rds.

As a reminder to all players, if you want to join us for the last week of this debacle, feel free. It's a fiver and well worth the 15 mile schlep around the M60 just to see Nick Marsh stand and say "I've f***ing told him but he doesn't listen" everytime someone offers Ryan some advice.

Nets 2017 1

Nets 2017 2

Nets 2017 3

Nets 2017 4

Nets 2017 5

I Will if You Will Biffaward

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Twitter: @TottyStJohnsCC