Best and Worst

Best and Worst A collection of facts and figures, thoughts and opinions about Totty St Johns. What are our favourite moments/incidents/performances, what's been a real low point, who or what has entertained us, who has recorded the best average or taken the most wickets, what has made us cry (with laughter or sorrow), what exactly happened in the Oddfellows on that fancy dress night, how did Scoffer end up in the shed that time, why is it called "Rowdy Hill" - you get the idea.

Please send in your thoughts and ideas, and we'll publish them here.

The Best

  1. The first 20/20 day - a perfect occasion from start to finish
  2. The introduction of "Rowdy Bingo", 2007
  3. Nick Hud saying to Mark Parky at Glodwick "You used to be the best opening batsman in the league and I used to be the best point fielder". Two minutes later Parky skies one, Nick catches it and shouts ... "I STILL AM!"
  4. Cowboys and Indians night, probably the best of a series of marvellous fancy dress occasions: "I looked over from the bar and there were three groups of Indians moshing to Guns and Roses" - Kieran
  5. Scoffer's amazing bowling performance in the 2005 Cup final
  6. Ashley's 200 not out at Robbies, which was followed by ...
  7. Paul taking 10-11 and wiping out Robbies after the double ton!
  8. Marshy sledging an Elton Vale batsman: "what the f*** was that?" after he got mowed for an agricultural four. The next ball disappeared into the trees and the non-striker, who could barely speak a word of English, wandered down to where Marshy was stood, hands on hips ... "that ... was a SIX"!
  9. The new pavilion opening, 2009
  10. Marshy asking Dilly to join him in the showers at Failsworth
  11. Beating Radcliffe by 9 wickets in the inaugural 20/20 competition ... with Big Bird smashing the winning runs onto the marquee!
  12. Norman Barnes moving backwards to take a catch, falling over the boundary board and down the hill
  13. Doc P tossing up at Rochdalians (and losing, obviously) ... and then discovering the team we'd tossed up with was ANOTHER team, not Dalians ... and then - when the REAL Dalians arrived - losing the toss again!
  14. Being put into bat at Swinton on a baking hot day and racking up about 270-3, and then skittling them out!
  15. Ashley's 5 successive beamers at Nigel Warne - not especially funny but very memorable
  16. Scunners using any of his trademark catchphrases, particularly "reach for the sky" or "give yourself a clap on the back"
  17. Frank walking out to bat at Springhead, hitting Leesy for a 6 first ball, and walking straight back off (a feat also achieved by Les Howarth at High View)
  18. Scott standing at cover and the ball being drilled at catchable height towards him ... instead of catching it, he stepped back and volleyed it, the ball somehow remarkably flying straight to mid-off, who pocketed it! Could try it 100 times and never do that again!
  19. 2nd XI - being bowled out for 45 at Littleborough, hearing their players gloat to their first team ... and then bowling them out for 17!
  20. A train making an unscheduled stop right outside Metal Box's ground ... and Glen Greenidge hopping off with his kit!
  21. Dickie P's innings at Dalians in the Cup when he suddenly became Sachin Tendulkar for the afternoon - glorious!
  22. Kieran mooning the spectators from the dressing room after the 2003 cup final
  23. Ashley's 140 not out at Catholic Club, a virtually single handed effort to win the game
  24. Marshy's all-time classic send-off to fellow postman Franny Daly after trapping him LBW - "and THAT's why I drive the van"
  25. League and Cup double, 1998
  26. Paul getting run out by Rowdy, storming off the field, and emerging from the pavilion to have a right hissy fit and swearing ... before looking round to see his Mum and various old folk staring at him!
  27. Someone leaving a ball during a warm up at Catholic Club ... which promptly went straight through a glass window!
  28. Baz Kinsey trying to avoid a ball hit like a tracer bullet at High View, and everyone watching in hysterics as it followed him and made him fall down the hill
  29. Rowdy Hill!!!
  30. Paul's 9-8 at Catholic Club when they only needed 70 to win
  31. Frankie Brock and Mitchy stealing a 2 when it seemed almost impossible to run even a single to win us the game at Catholic Club
  32. Steve Mozzer smashing New Zealand test bowler Heath Davis all over Blackpool
  33. Any banter involving Duncan and Marshy
  34. Ashley making an over against Rochdalians last almost 20 minutes in a vain attempt to delay the game long enough for the rain to arrive - it didn't work but it was pant-wettingly funny watching it unfold
  35. Scoffer chasing a ball into the shed, a load of clattering and banging following, and a wheel slowly spinning out, just like in a cartoon!
  36. Big Bird's ton against Fothergills in the 2009 cup semi - a blinding innings, made out of the first 120 odd runs!
  37. Les Howarth stepping 2 feet outside leg to play an exquisite late cut ... straight into his stumps
  38. That night out with the Carl Barrett girlfriend "nick nack paddy whack" moment
  39. Scott asking the lady in the Chinese chippy how long his spring roll would be. "About 10 minutes, sir". "No, no, how LONG will it be" (complete with hand gestures)

The Worst

  1. Craig getting skulled by Faisal at 'Dalians
  2. Turning up at Woodford for a Lancs Cup game; they were all spinners and aged about 70, we took the pee - and we got murdered!
  3. Any trip to Bardsley
  4. Glen Greenidge being shot during a game!!!
  5. Scoffer's "backhand" delivery at High View's Aussie semi-pro Graham Hannaford ... it's probably still heading into orbit right now
  6. Setting the all-time league record of 3 all out in 1966
  7. Ashley's "He's played for Nottinghamshire" mate ... who turned out to be absolutely rubbish!
  8. Rowdy "sending off" a batsman for possibly the only time ever - it turned out to be a 20 stone psychotic bruiser who stalked round the boundary to find Phil. Cue frantic attempts by Frank to move Phil to a different fielding position while the rest of us were in hysterics
  9. Being bowled out for 27 against Elton Vale in 2009 to kill off our title hopes
  10. Any of Clive's numerous finger dislocations
  11. Pete Allen playing a lovely forward defensive shot, only for his bat to break into pieces ... one of which crashed into his wickets to dismiss him!
  12. The loss of Cyril (and of course every former player and official)
  13. Even Craig getting dragged into a Parkinson family argument on the pitch against Glodwick!
  14. Matt and Paul painting the fence over the course of a long weekend ... with gloss which promptly washed off the first time it rained!
  15. The Failsworth incident where Paul told Matt Ablett "we can't lose this game!", Matt saying "Riiight", striding out purposefully ... and getting out immediately
  16. Tragic heart attacks striking several players over the years during games!
  17. Nick Hud running everyone out in the 2nd XI cup final!
  18. Clive telling horrific stories about people getting maimed or killed ... while smiling
  19. That over bowled by Chadders against Glodwick - it had 6 wides, 2 beamers, boundaries, 3 wickets - quite possibly the funniest over ever bowled (unless you were batting or in the slips)
  20. Teas at Catholic Club in the old days (especially that one where they got chips and we didn't!!)
  21. Clive and Asif's run out when we only needed 1 to win against Ashton in 2009
  22. Dasher getting hit in the face against ELPM
I Will if You Will Biffaward

Beryl Avenue, Tottington, Bury, BL8 3NF
Twitter: @TottyStJohnsCC