Top 5

Top 5 A series of lists based on events, players, matches and any other TSJ-related topics. Please get in touch and suggest your own for this feature - we've added a few to get the ball rolling!

Rowdy's Top 5 Stories

  1. The train stopping at Metal Box to allow Glen Greenidge to get off
  2. The Kinseys talking out some poor batsman who was wearing unusual footwear: "Chriiiiiist, he's wearing ... black pumps"
  3. Eddie Smith getting a shocker of a decision and then bowling "the fastest delivery ever" when he came on to bowl - apparently one of the bails went over the keeper's head for 6
  4. Driving Doc, Scoffer and Russ to Wrexham to watch Bury and nearly getting them all killed pulling onto the motorway right in front of a lorry ...
  5. Glen Greenidge getting shot during a game

Top 5 TSJ Women's incidents 2015

  1. Ceebs 124 not out
  2. Sheila discovering what a real cricket ground looks like, with hills and mud!
  3. THAT catch by Nicki Wilcox!
  4. Jas finally taking shedloads of wickets
  5. The freezing day in Harrogate when everyone got wind burn

Top 5 cricket teas

  1. Irlam monster spread with 8 types of cake
  2. Glodwick's famous cakes - it was always good to bat second!
  3. Marshy's African inspired couscous
  4. Woodbank cup final 2008 - thank goodness we were playing a weak Westleigh, cos there was TONS
  5. Greenfield (usually after they've racked up 320 for 5)

Top 5 Ste Moriarty Motivational Utterings (cheers, Mike)

  1. F*cking Hell Rowdy
  2. F*cking Hell Micky
  3. F*cking Hell Matt
  4. F*cking Hell Smiffy
  5. F*cking Hell Danny

Watty's Totty Top 5

  1. Taking 6-fer v Walshaw with Pilky as his 5th and Pilky punching a hole in the wall
  2. Launching Failsworth Macedonia's opening bowler into the car park first ball after Marshy's 99
  3. "Send him a piano down, see if he can play that" v Greenfield in 2015
  4. THAT diving one handed catch against Social Circle
  5. Shouldering arms to Wardy at Woodbank first ball.... And having off stump flattened for the third golden duck on the bounce

5 Things Rowdy Ought to Stick up his Jumper

  1. A bicycle
  2. The kitchen sink
  3. A pronunciation guide to Chew Brook Moor Chew Brook
  4. Roller skates
  5. A bulleted list of all his stories

Best club nicknames

  1. Scoop Doggy - Scott Parky
  2. Ceebs - Charlotte Boulton
  3. Big Bird - Russ Brooks
  4. Ricky Minaj - Rick Carr
  5. Batty Boy - Stu Batigan

Reasons the club makes money each year

  1. S Marsh at the bar
  2. N Marsh at the bar
  3. R Marsh at the bar
  4. (and repeat)
  5. (and repeat)

Things you see when Kieran's batting

  1. Dour Yorkshire defensive grit
  2. The full face of the bat
  3. Marshy shaking his head
  4. Lots of singles at the end of the over
  5. Dust settling

Things you don't see when Kieran's batting

  1. Pyrotechnics

Top 5 developments in recent times

  1. Women's cricket
  2. Various pavilion extensions
  3. Junior cricket
  4. Fantastic outdoor nets
  5. Clive allowing us to spend money

Strangest dismissals

  1. Les Howarth stepping 2 feet outside leg stump to square cut the ball ... right onto his stumps
  2. Scott Parky fielding at cover and "shinning" a very hard drive straight to his fellow fielder at mid off
  3. The one that never was ... John Batey of Springhead complaining that Clive had "knocked the bails off" when they were behind him - and being given not out!
  4. Doc and Dasher running a "quick" single, doing a Keystone Cops routine as they headed up the wicket, smashimg into each other to leave both lying on the ground and Springhead in hysterics - and Doc run out
  5. Clive and Asif running each other out when we needed 1 to win at Ashton

Top 5 fielding calamities

  1. Baz Kinsey trying to get out of the way of a tracer shot at High View and falling down the hill
  2. Norman Barnes taking a catch, trtipping over the boards and falling down hill towards Island Lodge
  3. Scoffer chasing a ball into the shed. Cue mass crashing and banging and a single tyre slowly rolling out ...
  4. Doc dropping Ste Bain when Springhead were about 20-8 chasing 150. He won them the game ...
  5. Ste Brooky at mid on most of 2015

Top 5 TSJ Christmas Songs

  1. Away in a Manger (the Fothergill and Harvey experience)
  2. Hit Your Toe and Whine (Doc P / Mike Ainscoe practice night remix)
  3. O Little Town of Brandlesholme
  4. The Dilly and the Ivy
  5. Rowdy the Red Nosed Reindeer

5 things Dickie P has burned

  1. "The" 400 year old hawthorn tree
  2. Most of the contents of the pavilion
  3. Flagstones, cans, bottles
  4. All bridges with the local community
  5. Anything that moves, and most things that don't

5 incidents that live on in folklore

  1. Ste Moriarty charging Heath Davis, New Zealand opening bowler
  2. Ash beaming Nigel Warne 5 times in an over
  3. Ash spending nearly 20 minutes to bowl an over when rain was approaching and we were getting tonked (we still lost)
  4. Frankie B and Les Howarth separately going in to bat the last ball of an innings, hitting a 6, tucking the bat under their arm and sauntering off
  5. Pretty much every conversation, game or memory involving Rowdy

5 people most likely to lose their rag on the field

  1. Clive Brooks
  2. Russ Brooks
  3. Ste Brooks
  4. Nev Brooks
  5. Si Marsh anytime we play Catholics

5 things you'll find in Watty's bag

  1. Hairdryer
  2. Bundle of selfies
  3. Gels, ointments and lotions
  4. The Art of Captaincy by Mike Brearley, with the Brearley crossed out and Watts marked in
  5. Haynes manuals for hairdressers' cars

I Will if You Will Biffaward

Beryl Avenue, Tottington, Bury, BL8 3NF
Twitter: @TottyStJohnsCC