DICKIE P DIGS THROUGH TO EARTH'S CORE

On Saturday March 30th Dickie P finally achieved a lifetime ambition by digging from Crompton Meadows outfield right down to the Earth's core. At the February committee meeting, our Yorkshire hero was concerned over the cost of bringing new overseas Lachlan to the Meadows and offered to dig a tunnel straight through the planet so that the intrepid Aussie could "simply slide straight through" to join his new teammates.

Calculations, worked out on the back of a packet of the club's latest new bar snack "Poodle Bites" ("These Poodle Bites really are the dog's bollocks!" - M. Deegan), unfortunately went slightly awry and by 4pm on Saturday Dickie P discovered his spade getting a little warm. Realising that he'd actually hit the Earth's core, son James was naturally sent in to investigate, emerging thousands of kilometres down beside a huge vat of molten magma.

Having been authorised to speak both to his father and to Lachlan - awaiting the go order from his own position poised above a similarly deep hole in Bendigo dug by Australia's own answer to Dickie P ("Yabba Fourecks") - James made the two calls. However, radio comms were somewhat tricky, given the enormous magnetic and gravitational effects, and neither side understood what was being said. Lachlan mistakenly jumped into the hole on the Australian side and began speeding through the tunnel, just as KC and Dickie shovelled 170 tons of limestone into the Tottington end in an attempt to stop magma rising to further damage the outfield.

So in case anyone is wondering why the new overseas is running slightly late, he's currently trapped about 14 miles below the surface of the Earth along with the unfortunate James Peacock.

Thankfully Dickie's world record hole digging hasn't made the outfield much worse, a live photo from Sunday March 31st can be seen below.

If you, or any of your teammates have been affected by this story, please get in touch with us as soon as possible via webmaster@tsjcc.co.uk